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But it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for

July 25, 2010
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“We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love.”-Tom Robbins

“Sometimes the one thing you are looking for is the one thing you cannot see.”-David Byrne

Good afternoon! Hope you all had a great week/weekend. I know I definitely needed some relaxation this weekend which I did get despite the heat wave.

What’s your type? You know if you had to describe your ideal guy/girl what characteristics would they have to have? How many times have you been asked that question or variations of it in one form or another? It is asked with good intentions because in most other facets of your life you need to know what you want before you proceed any further. In theory, a great question because it asks you to reflect upon your experiences and to decide what exactly it is that you need.

At the same time it limits you. You focus your efforts on your list of attributes and finding someone who either is all of the things on your list or isn’t. An all-or-nothing principle of sorts. It preoccupies you and acts as blinders for your quest to find the “perfect lover”. Maybe it affects the bonds you form with other people, keeping them as superficial as possible. You stay interested just until you find something that  disqualifies them from being your perfect lover.

Is that any way to really live? Chances are what you’re looking for you can’t see even if it might be right in front of you. Write the list and take a look at it because it’s an important exercise to do in understanding what you want. Then do yourself a favor and throw it away. Decide what the 5 most important things on that list are & keep them in the back of your mind, but try not to hold so strongly to everything else. You never know who might end up being exactly what you need.

Focus your time this week on creating the perfect love just as Tom Robbins quote describes & not so much on the list-making.

That’s all for now. Have a great week!

❤ SQ

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    July 25, 2010 5:30 pm

    Making a list of attributes does limit your possibilities in finding the perfect person, but it can also narrow your search for people you can consider good friends. And sometimes, once you find your good friends, once you find yourself, you do create the perfect love.

    • July 25, 2010 6:52 pm

      that’s true it can limit the search for people you consider good friends & good friends are a great source of perfect love.
      however, i feel like the process of finding yourself as well as good friends is an ongoing process which is subject to change quite a bit more so because of how you choose to define yourself and define what you look for in a friend. i think what i was going for more in this post was making a list of attributes of what defines a perfect lover, but you are absolutely there are so many other kinds of love to take into account.
      thank you for commenting!

  2. August 19, 2010 1:01 am

    I don’t think it’s a list of positives that you need to keep in mind; any positive is most welcome I guess. It’s more so the list of those negatives which you’re willing to put up with. It’s not about loving a person merely for the goodness in him. It’s about embracing and accepting the down side to his personality as well.
    And I love the cartoon. Finding love is hard when you’re out there looking for it. But it has a knack of creeping up to you when you least expect it 🙂

    • August 19, 2010 6:26 pm

      yeah there’s a quote somewhere that says “being happy is about things being perfect it’s about being willing to look past the imperfections” or something of that nature. i’ve always wonderered why it is that love creeps up on you like that, but maybe it’s just one of the ironic parts of life?

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