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And finally you have found something perfect

February 21, 2010

Two orders of business/news/things to discuss before we dive into this week’s post:

1. Added to the sidebar is a new SocialVibe thing that allows me to pick a charity to donate money to. Raising money for the charity doesn’t actually involve you spending money. In this case, it is sponsored by Visa. All you have to do is click around a bit to help raise some money for a worthy cause.  The first cause I picked seeing as it is still around V-day is To Write Love On Her Arms which basically raises awareness about depression and lets people know that they are loved. Also it challenges us all to make love the new movement. So if you get anytime and want to click and help a great cause that would be wonderful. I like the idea so I will keep it around and pick a new cause every month.

2. This week’s post title comes from “Hard to Concentrate”-Red Hot Chili Peppers. One of my all time favorite bands and a song that kinda sorta symbolizes my view on what love should be. Check it out while you read.

“I know what it’s like. I’ve seen it played out a few zillion times. You’re waiting for that magical day when someone makes the connection and recognizes who you really are. Maybe they’ll first catch the sparkle in your eye. Or perhaps they’ll marvel at your insights and the depth of your spirit. Someone who will help you connect the dots, believe in yourself, and make sense of it all. Someone who will understand you, approve of you, and unhesitatingly give you a leg up so that life can pluck your ready, ripened self from the branch of magnificence.
Well, I’m here to tell you, your wait is over.  That someone, is you.”-Mike Dooley

“There is no such thing as the perfect soulmate. If you meet someone and you think they’re perfect, you better run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Cause your soulmate is the person that pushes your buttons, pisses you off on a regular basis and makes you face your shit.”-Madonna

     Welcome back to our 2-part saga/rant about love. Human beings by nature tend to be idealistic. From an early age, we are told to hold fast to our dreams and chase perfection which is just about as fleeting as chasing the horizon.  Because of movies, books and various other forms of media we develop a cultural understanding of what love should be. So we spend a good part of our time waiting for that special fairytale moment to happen and to be in love and just be so mind-numbingly happy. News flash as much as that would be just a perfect moment in time for the most of us that does not happen. It almost becomes a fixation of ours looking for that person to “complete” us.

      One of our biggest problems lies in the nature of that word right there..”complete”. Physiologically we are independent, autonomous creatures that live, breathe and function on our own. We do not necessarily need someone else to make that happen for us. The first step to even being open to love involves accepting ourselves. Realizing that we are independent, beautiful people with a sense of direction that do not NEED someone else. Like I mentioned in a previous post, we are pretty powerful people and as cliché as it might sound we need to love  ourselves a bit before we can expect to  love anyone else.

     That being said, another way we are extremely idealistic is in who we choose to love. As a product of our experiences and needs, we come up with a list of characteristics we look for. We convince ourselves that we will effortlessly look for the person who measures up to those standards and not settle for any less. Problem is those lists become ridiculous after  a while. No human being is perfect in the least. Just imagine how you would feel not being able to measure up to certain lists. That’s why we all need to throw our lists out..keep some things to  look for, but other than that throw the cautions and caveats to the wind. The love of your life could be right in front of your face, but you may not realize it spending so much time searching for your dream person. I personally believe in soulmates and that there is one other person who fits with you better than anyone else, but also that there are other people who fit with you well.

       The basis to any good relationship in my mind is friendship. If you cannot be friends, you will not have what it takes to last. Friendship ensures that you have a solid base to fall back on and that when the going gets tough the other person will not get going. It also makes for a feeling of being able to do anything/say anything to the other person and to be able to take a break from the serious stresses of life.  Perfect isn’t really perfect. Think about it..being with a perfect person means that you do not get mad at each other, everything is just all awesome all the time and you fall into a predictable, boring cycle/rhythm. With someone not perfect, sure there are times in which you fight, frustrate each other and push each other’s buttons, but it is in a good way as you both still find a way to make it back to each other and continue to bring out the best in one another. Which would you prefer? I personally would go for the not so perfect. I choose the unpredictable fully knowing that it may not be the easy path, but the path that makes me happy. Love yourself before you even think about loving someone else.  Be open enough to let love in and daring enough to abandon notions of perfection. Find your own definition of perfect, soulmate and what love should be.

That’s it for this week. Have a great week and see you next Sunday!

❤ SQ

One Comment leave one →
  1. February 27, 2010 1:29 pm

    This is a great post- such wise thoughts on love and soulmates. I feel very fortunate to have found a husband I truly love. But, Madonna is so right on this, I’ve learned marriage is not all easy supportive love. It is about unconditional love, but sometimes that means forcing your partner to recognize where they are wrong. My husband and I totally push one another’s buttons! We disagree, we share our strong opinions, we upset one another – but it is all done with the undertone of love and acceptance.

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