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Forget love, i’d rather fall in chocolate

February 14, 2010

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.”-Woody Allen

       Happy Chinese New Year! In case you have not already inferred, I am not the biggest fan of Valentine’s Day. Actually I like to think of myself as the Grinch of Valentine’s Day. Before you to jump to all these bizarre conclusions as to why that is I will tell you now it has nothing to do with having or not having a boyfriend.  Don’t get me wrong I am still a hopeless romantic that digs sappy songs and movies, but I have consistently disliked Valentine’s Day for just about as long as I can remember. In a nutshell, the reason is that I believe if you love someone you don’t need a hallmark produced holiday to make you realize that. You should not feel pressured to get material things to symbolize that.  You would be surprised how many people say “I love you” without really meaning it confusing it for lust, temporary infatuation or what have you. If you really love someone tell them the other 364 days of the year. You owe that much to yourself and the person you love. That’s it about my feelings about Valentine’s Day, I am getting off my soapbox and into this week’s post about LOVE.

       There are so many beautiful, pretty, cutesy quotes about how great love is that I am sure you probably get as nauseated as I do seeing. Who writes them? I really don’t have an answer to that except for that to me it is slighty nauseating. I thought this Woody Allen quote was funny and definitely different from all of those other quotes which in essence lie to you telling you that love is awesome all the time.  It is not awesome all the time, in fact when it is awesome you count your blessings considering yourself a very lucky person. However, I guess if what we were told was that love bites..why would anyone ever fall in love?

        Deep down, I think we have all experienced love’s tendency to be just as bitter as it is sweet. It is one of those unfortunate essential truths that we know all too well. The sweet must triumph to an extent over the bitter. Something makes it all worth it. Otherwise, we would all live alone in four-bedroom houses with our cats, dogs, hamsters and fish.  We suffer because we know somewhere in the back of our mind, something someday will make all of that worth it. 

    For all my single people,  there’s no unwritten rule saying we all have to be in relationships all at the same time. Your life has its own ebb and flow. You are probably most likely to meet the person that changes the course of your life when you least expect it. 

    As for those of you who are spending this Valentine’s Day eating tons of chocolate, watching sad romantic movies and grieving over the end of a love story/chapter in your life. It will be okay. The pain is always the worst right when you get hurt, but time helps. Time has a way of healing things.  Looking back on it with time on your side you will come to realize that everything happened for a reason and that it did teach you something just as much as any other negative experience in your life. And you would not be the person you were if it was not for learning that lesson.

     Then there are those people, like me, who put up walls because simply put it sucks to be vulnerable. I know that feeling and I hate it more than almost anything. Being vulnerable is necessary though, choosing not to may allow you to escape unscathed, but it does not make it easy to love or trust. If someone cares enough to try to break down/climb over those walls, you have to cave in a little bit and let them in. As difficult as it might be to tread being vulnerable it opens you up to the possibility of love. That could either be a great strategic move on your part or be the worst idea ever. Either way you are giving love a chance. If that decision ends up biting you, you will get over it…plus chocolate helps 🙂

   Let the good, sweet and positive have a fighting chance in your life and open yourself up to the possibility of love. Toast the good times for what they are and let ice-cream/chocolate wash away the memory of the bad, but know that both are a part of living and loving.

   To end this week’s post, here’s another quote explaining another take on why we love and seek companionship:

“When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on–series polygamy–until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.”-Tom Robbins

See you next Sunday to continue this two-fold love saga/rant to talk about soulmates & who we choose to love. 

❤ SQ

10 Comments leave one →
  1. February 14, 2010 9:20 pm

    Hey, I’m glad you found my blog…I like this post a lot, and I’m looking forward to learning more.

  2. February 14, 2010 11:00 pm

    Hun, I totally agree with you. I am a firm believer in telling the people you love that you love them OFTEN, not just once a year. And do you know, I have tried researching St. Valentine before to talk with my students about it, and it’s hard to find anything concrete! There’s only a very vague history that has almost nothing to do with hearts and cupids etc. It’s like it’s mostly fabricated. How uninspiring.

    • February 18, 2010 4:09 pm

      yes you should tell the people you love that you love them everyday =]
      wasn’t st. valentine actually historically treated horribly?
      i doubt if you asked anyone what valentine’s day actually meant historically they would be able to tell you. it is amazing how it has just evolved into this crazy hallmark holiday

  3. February 18, 2010 2:45 pm

    how funny… i 100% agree with you on V-Day… most boyfriends i have confuse my view and do NOTHING ever, but i still do not believe in V-Day. 😀

    i am going to go back and read the rest of your post…

    • February 18, 2010 4:07 pm

      yeah a few guys in my experience understand exactly how i feel about valentine’s day.
      i think they attribute it to me being bitter about a v-day past or if i’m single..not having a boyfriend, but my problem is really with the day itself.

  4. March 2, 2010 3:40 pm

    I have problems with the day itself as well, and yes you are right: being vulnerable is necessary.
    “When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us,” is a brilliant line. I always say I’m searching for one [gear] who meshes with my own gear, filling in the gaps we each posses [in essence she completing me, and I her] and enabling the engine of love to move without impositions or inhibitions.

    Chocolate! OMG that makes me hungry! 😉

    • March 2, 2010 3:47 pm

      thank you christopher
      i love the gear and engine of love metaphor. it’s adorable and a great way of thinking of things.
      ahh i know i love chocolate so i figured it was a fitting picture =]

  5. October 16, 2011 7:52 am

    I love this post a lot!

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